Just When You Legolas Thought It Was Safe
by XxCraZyGurLxX
Summary: What happens when a bunch of girls warp into Legolas' time? We'll see. Drunkeness warning! I dont own ANYTHING in this except for the story. obviously
1. The Toilet Works in Mysterious Ways

Just When You (Legolas. . .) Thought It Was Safe.  
  
Characters:  
  
~Alisha~ Obsessive 14-year-old  
  
~Whitney~ Tomboyish 15-year-old girl that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  
  
~Katie~ 17-year-old cousin of Alisha and Whitney  
  
~Ashley~ Ditzy cheerleader who doesn't have much brain (no offence to cheerleaders)  
  
~Haley~ Ashley's ditzy sidekick friend  
  
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Location: The Gorge, WA  
  
The stage lights were beaming. Screaming fans were wildly jumping in the anticipation of the long awaited show. The crowds' screams paused for a moment when blaring through the speakers and stereos overhead sounded a booming voice, "Welcome to HEAT FEST by POP 104.1!!! You all know what that means!!!" Loud screaming voices from the majority of girls became loud enough to break a window, "EEEE!!!!" It was: a ditz fest. "Now that you've been welcomed, it's your turn to welcome the sex kitten of America. BRIIITNEY SPEARS!!!!" A few delinquent boys from the crowd could be heard whooping in contrast to the high-pitched squeals of the other 90% female portion of the audience, all adding to the intensity of the moment. Adorned in pink and tight black leather, Britney appeared on stage, lip-syncing to "I'm a Slave 4 U" and showing off with some hoe-ish pelvic thrusts and half- naked guys dancing around her in pink Speedos and black leather chaps.  
  
Meanwhile, Whitney sat with her sister Alisha and cousin Katie among the hubbub, disgusted. At every lolling and yodeling note of Britney's, her nose and upper lip curled up to the right, giving her half-Vietnamese features a harsh look. Her brown eyes twitched. She aggressively grabbed her shoulder bag and dug into it. After some struggle with wires, she managed to produce her CD player armed with Linkin Park's Meteora album. Katie noticed Whitney's irritation, and couldn't help but agree. The most fun she was having for herself was making fun of the homo-looking guys in Speedos and chaps. Whitney was now completely immersed in her dark world of anti-pop music, eyes closed and head rocking her long brown hair all around her. Well, now that she saw Whitney's condition, she glanced to the other side of her, where Alisha sat staring up at the booty shaking up on stage. "Duh." She moaned sarcastically, signifying her annoyance with the show. Katie leaned back on her chair and sighed. Tapping Whitney, she motioned to come closer to speak. "LETS GET OUTTA HERE FOR NOW"  
  
"WHAT???"  
  
Katie rolled her eyes "LETS GET OUTTA HERE"  
  
Whitney nodded frantically with a wide-eyed expression of relief. Grabbing Alisha by the arm, the three headed towards the large double doors entitled 'EXIT'.  
  
"Finally." Katie groaned  
  
"All I wanted was to see Hoobastank! But NOOOO!! They had to put me through THIS torture first! I HATE GIRLY MUSIC."  
  
"Yes Whit, we all know." Alisha commented in an exhausted tone.  
  
Katie, being a bathroom magnet, always seems to find her way to the mirrors in the restroom. So they followed her to the large restroom that, unfortunately for Whitney, was bright pink. "I hate pink." She mumbled. "Oh shush." Replied Katie as she examined the reflection of her platinum blonde hair. "Does it look frizzy?"  
  
"No." Whitney and Alisha said sternly in unison.  
  
"And then I was like OH MY GOSH! He was totally.." A high voice entered the room accompanied by two sets of foot steps.  
  
~ Whitney's eye twitches ~  
  
"I smell a ditz." she mumbled, turning to stomp into a stall, simultaneously stuffing the headphones closer to her head. * SLAM *  
  
Katie raised her eyebrows to the annoying valley girls, making sure only Alisha saw the look. Alisha returned the gesture.  
  
"He was soooo hott!!! I mean, even with the long flowing hair. I could just melt!"  
  
Katie tries to hold back a laugh, but Alisha, on the other hand, homed right in on the subject. She KNEW who they were talking about!  
  
"LEGOLAS!? OMG, you love him too?" Alisha said in a bouncy voice.  
  
All three of them all screamed in unison. They were immediately involved in a deep conversation about Legolas' "gorgeous hair, dreamy eyes," etc. Katie was a fan herself, but she didn't care THAT much.  
  
Suddenly, The door banged open and who else should walk in but Britney Spears. The two valley ditzs just gawked. The brunette w/ blonde highlights, whose name must have been Haley due to the large bold title "Hay-Lee" on her cheerleading outfit, asked in a high voice, "Don't you get your own bathroom?" Everyone in the room, including her friend, stared at her.  
  
"What?" she asked innocently.  
  
Britney raised an eyebrow and pushed past, gliding to the farthest stall.  
  
Everyone just stared at eachother for a moment. "I have a poster of Legolas in my purse." Alisha said warily to break the ice. The two cheerleaders got wide-eyed and excited, and the chatter returned. "Oh, I have this EXACT same poster in MY room, Ashley! Remember?" said Haley ecstatically.  
  
Whitney couldn't take it anymore. Bursting through the stall door, she grabbed the poster and crammed it down the toilet. They stood there. Dumbfounded. Ashley let out a sob. Whitney once again slammed the stall door, isolating herself with the toilet that met the posters' doom. The girls by the sinks just stood there. "Exciting." Said Katie. Smoke started to rise from the stall. Whitney burst out wild-eyed. "I didn't do it!"  
  
"Gross Whit!" screamed Alisha. "I think the toilet didn't like Legolas too much." Whitney said staring at the purple smoke now filling the room. Lighting came crashing out of the porcelain object and the whole room began to shake. Katie instinctively dove under the sink counters. Whitney followed, while the rest stood around stupidly. Britney, for all they knew, was still in her stall. Thunder came crashing up from the murky toilet in the stall. The water fixtures were shaking loose from the quaking. A loud crash sounded and everything stopped. No one spoke. No one moved. Just. stared. Something was different. There was no music and no screaming from the concert hall. It was quiet. Too quiet. A bird chirped. That wasn't right. Slowly Whitney and Katie crawled out and ventured toward the door. Alisha and her new-made friends cowered on the floor. The pink floor. Katie reached up for the door handle. Cautiously, she pulled it down and pulled. She and Whitney peeked out. Woods. Tall trees. "Uhh." moaned Whitney. Katie quickly closed the door and they scampered back to the sinks. Amid the confused silence, Britney bumbled out a stall and loudly blurted, "I DIDN'T plug the toilet, it was someone else!"  
  
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~KAPWING~ a bottle flew past, side-swiping the young elf's metal shield. "We have to go, Gimli! There's no time for more!"  
  
The fat figure mowed through the tall sage grass up the steep forest floor. "I'm a comin'. there young elfer. herherher har."  
  
"Heh heh heeeehhh HAAA * HIC *" Legolas laughed gutturally. "My, Gimli! What ever was that in those bottles?" he stumbled slightly at attempting to stand up straight.  
  
"I dun remember. I need me some ladies her her."  
  
"No Gimli. I get THAT. that privile. uh. er.?" Legolas stops and smiles stupidly and his fat drunk friend rolling on the ground. "Hehe. he." The elf sputtered  
  
~Stumbles over log behind him, sending him headfirst into a pile. Of. something. ~  
  
"Say. What's this dandy smelling mud?" Legolas craned his neck back to get an upside-down view of behind him. A strange structure stood in the middle of nowhere. His face twisted in confusion. All in one spazmatic motion, he flips upright, arms and legs flailing, and flops on his belly to gawk. It looked like a small house. Very bright colored, though. Grabbing his bow, he stumbled towards the closed doors.  
  
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This is my first FanFiction thingie, soon to be updated! Hopefully you want to know what happens next. And, just incase you haven't figured, there IS a connection between the two seemingly different happenings. R & R pleez! Thanx! (c:  
  
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	2. 2003, meet Middle Earth!

Just When ... Blah Blah you already know  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
A/N: Ok, back to the girls. . . Last we knew, Britney had just barged out off the bathroom stall.  
  
Legolas: Who are you?  
  
A/N: Where'd you come from?  
  
Legolas: I'm not quite positive. . .  
  
A/N: I control your fate.  
  
Legolas: That's rubbish! What have you done with Frodo!?  
  
A/N: Ok, time to go back into your little world, cutie.  
  
Legolas: ?  
  
A/N: But, you have to say this ~grabs chin and moves his jaw to mouth words~  
  
Legolas: CrazyGurL does not own LOTR!  
  
~Legolas disappears~  
  
A/N: ~sigh~ Anyway back to the story.  
  
Everyone stared at Britney, not quite sure what to say. "We're glad to hear!" Whitney broke in, nodding her head in sarcastic approval. Britney shot a venomous glare. Katie ventured into the tension, "Uh, just so you guys know, the bathroom has landed." All the girls rushed to the doors, forcing them to swing open loudly.  
  
Legolas shook his head trying to concentrate on the odd doorway before him. Creeping slowly, he - BANG - A mob of strangely dressed girls burst out the door and gawked at him.  
  
Alisha, Haley, and Ashley all had hearts in their eyes, "Legolas!!!"  
  
Whitney, "Drunk elf!" Britney's eyebrows perk up. She rudely shoved aside Whitney and Katie and strutted towards the dazed and confused hottie before her. Terror gleamed in his eyes. "Hey there. . . Sexy." Britney cooed seductively. Legolas wasn't quite familiar with this strange woman's slang. "Hello. . . ?" Britney scowled down at the three love blinded girls wrapped around his boots. Hearts vibrated around them. Like Anime! "Um, I like the pink bathroom more than this." Mumbled Whitney, who casually strided towards the doors once again. Just as she reached for the handle, the door swung open and hit her in the face. "&%*^$*!!" Whitney screamed. Who should be standing there but. . . Aaron Carter!?!? "What?! You idiot!" Whitney hit him on the head with her CD player. She paused and looked up at him. "You made it skip!"  
  
Everyone twirled around to see what was going on. "Hey, what were you doing in there?!" Yelled Katie. All eyes turned on him, who was still slightly stupefied by Whitney's blow. "I uhh. . . needed ta . . . um. . ." he glanced behind him into the restroom and drunkenly said, "Tampax!" He looked satisfied with his response for a moment, then frowned after he rethought what had just happened. After an awkward moment of silence, Ashley and Haley jumped up screaming. "AARON!!!" They quickly unleashed dumbfounded Legolas and were all over Mr. Carter. Aaron smiled, pleased with himself. "Well," he said matter-of-factly, "You just can't beat the best!"  
  
"Follow me." Katie demanded Aaron. Anxious for what was in store for him, he didn't resist much when she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the bathroom. "So, baby. . ." he said, in the same tone that Britney used with Legolas. - SLAP- "Sorry buddy, but your going home!" Katie shoved his head in a toilet and flushed him away. And he was gone. The cheerleaders stood for a moment in silence, then burst into tears. "WAAAHHH!!!"  
  
Whitney burst out laughing. "You flushed the mini Gaystreet Boy down the CRAPPER!!! WAHAHAHAH!!!" Britney rolled her eyes near by. Everyone remained silent. . . Especially when a deep drunken yelling became gradually more clear. . . Everyone looked around. Legolas looked up for a moment, smiled stupidly, then passed out on the ground. Britney looked blankly ahead, lip curled in irritance and confusion, listening intently to the blubbering bellow from nowhere. - BAM - A fat Gimli fell out of the sky and squashed Britney straight into the ground like a wooden stake.  
  
Gimli: Mmmm... Steak...  
  
A/N: Shut up! You're not supposed to say anything!! AHHH!! You've ruined it!!!  
  
~beats fat dwarf with keyboard~  
  
Ahem. . . So, where was I? Oh, yes, well, then there was suddenly - oh wait, that's right, I'm ending the chapter! How did Gimli get in the sky? And what happens next to our time warped crew? Haahahaha! R&R! Tell me if I should update! ^_~ 


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